**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
