You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
