What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
