I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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