dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
