I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
