dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize