Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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