is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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