btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
