i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
