She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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