I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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