Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
