Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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