All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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