evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
