I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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