My brain says no but my pants say off.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
