sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
