there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
