there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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