Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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