You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
