if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
