Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
