I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you win again, gameday.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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