Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
