I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
