i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
