I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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