I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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