dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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