have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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