Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
