And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
