and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
