dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Let's get the cat blown out
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
