we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
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