I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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