Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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