I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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