I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
