I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Boobs speak an international language.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
