My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
When are your genitals available?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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