She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
