Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
