doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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