Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
