he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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