I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
