Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize