my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
