Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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