Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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