So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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