Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
