That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
