fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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