U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
