He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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