He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
