we have pet lesbian snakes
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
