this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
