I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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