I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
