It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
