I didn't shave. On purpose
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
