We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
