how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
