You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
