every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
