There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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